UPDATE: I wanted to note that I am not endorsing SCRUM as the end-all-beat-all process for software development. I just wanted to illustrate that I like the “chicken and pig” story. SCRUM does has it’s downside as I clarify down below in the comments. No process is as productive as conversation which is something that SCRUM tries to minimize and mitigate.

I’ve been doing a lot of research lately into agile project development process. I found it interesting that while at opus:creative (Opus Creative Group), on one major project of mine, I was actually utilizing SCRUM as an active process. I had adapted into this process naturally based upon the constraints of the particular project. Essentially it boiled down that the client needed to see a working model each week in order to publish the build internally. Typical Opus process wouldn’t have allowed this and so I adapted. Come to find out: it was an agile development process called: SCRUM.

In my research into agile/SCRUM, I found the delineation of roles to be superb and comically accurate. There are only two types of roles in SCRUM: Pigs and Chickens. Pigs (such a Nine Inch Nails term!) are the developers, IA, UX, designers etc… while Chicken are account executives, strategists, project managers. Why would they possibly be named this? Here’s why:

A pig and a chicken are walking down a road. The chicken looks at the pig and says, “Hey, why don’t we open a restaurant?” The pig looks back at the chicken and says, “Good idea, what do you want to call it?” The chicken thinks about it and says, “Why don’t we call it ‘Ham and Eggs’?” “I don’t think so,” says the pig, “I’d be committed but you’d only be involved.”

Scrum was developed to cut out overhead on large software projects. Essentially, the issue of developers that would come into presentations with no deliverable completed because of communication meetings with uninvolved personnel (account executives, project managers etc.). Scrum removes the Chickens from the equation by allowing them into the development cycle ONLY at the end of the sprint. If they require additional information, they can look -themselves- at the backlog document which is updated organically, daily, but the Chicken can’t influence the sprint until the end of the week cycle.

Brilliant.

This puppy has nothing to do with the article except that she's sleeping with a pig. Photo by J.

The presentation itself is very light-hearted and comedically points out the truth to many facets of miscommunication between management and implementation teams. (An unfortunate product of compartmentalized, bucketed, need-to-know and traditional process coupled with project managers that simply are working for a paycheck and not the passion for all things web) I’ve seen these styles of PMs. They are everything she pokes fun at and worse. There are a lot of them in Portland, which is sad and holds back many teams and work.

Here is an excerpt from the presentation that I found particularly humorous:

Project managers all think of themselves like this guy:

Whereas, most developers think of you as this guy:

It’s true. I’ll also back it up that I’ve worked right next to a Lumbergh or two in Portland. Now, I have my faults as a producer, I’ll admit. But, I wanted to personalize this a bit.

I think of myself as a bald amalgamation of these two guys:

You see, I think that I’m the cynical semi-calm Spade, but outwardly I’m pretty sure that at times I come across as a ham-handed Chris Farley. In all cases, I am truly trying to help.

However, what I really strive to be is this guy:

(insert_allegory)

Bruce Wayne’s butler Alfred. There are qualities in him that I strive to attain and here are a couple reasons:

Alfred is an adviser, mentor and assistant. He’s completely content with taking care of the crappy shit that gets in the way of being a superhero. He’ll give you advise and solid reasoning why he is dishing it out, but he plans to mitigate the damage when the client or (in some cases) you don’t listen; because frankly speaking: why would the superhero listen, when Alfred himself has never been one? Alfred is also master of knowing what you need before you have to ask. So, when the times comes, you are empowered with everything needed to succeed.

At the end of the day, he’ll do anything for you. Anything…

…like in absence of superhero gadgets – grab a golf club and come to your rescue if you need it – maybe possibly even lift a flaming beam off you even though he’s physically old-and-busted:

Alfred didn’t walk into the flaming mansion and say: “Hold on Bruce, I’ll call Lucius Fox and see if he has anything that can help here!” He makes do with what he has because: deep down he loves what you do and knows that sometimes action is needed over words. And because – goddamn it – he loves you and wants to live in the world that you are changing for the better.

Maybe it’s just the developer in me talking and not the producer, but I agree with thebitchwhocodes and want to make change for her and the teams I’m involved with.

For months now I’ve been dodging the subject every time Audra and Miky brought it up. “Are you coming? We’re renting a vehicle! You HAVE to come!” I’d side step it with a brief, “We’ll see!”

After my Skanska USA interview on the Nike off-Campus Business Center, while I was on the MAX heading back into Portland, Audra called me with a funny-funny problem of hers regarding a message she had fired over to the P.I.G. list. After some initial panicking, I was able to sooth her fears to rest and assure her everything was ok. She mentioned she was in town meeting up with Miky at a coffee shop in the Pearl to distribute funds for the Front 242 concert. Since this is in my neighborhood I figured I’d sneakily stop in and bug them. It was cool seeing Miky’s fashion drawings and after Audra ran off to get to work, I walked Miky back to Portland Art Institute and we discussed portfolios, which is something I’ve never really conversed about. It was refreshing.

Still, I hadn’t told anyone that the chance was high I wasn’t going.

So, Friday rolls around and Audra pops into my place really early with a yummy double shot espresso (none of that Americano crap for me! Straight up espresso thank you!) and some doughnuts. We layed around for an hour and half, feeding each other doughnuts and laughed about random shit until I stood up and walked to my balcony to see the evil-evil parking lot attendant ticketing her vehicle. I yelled, and grabbed my jacket as I ran out the door. By the time I had run down to my management office and got the day pass for the tenant loop, and got to her car – he was gone and the $50 ticket was in place. So, I pulled the ticket, plopped the day pass on her dash and headed back up. She was straightening her hair. While I was running around, Miky had shown up. I stuffed the ticket into my pocket and assured Audra that I would take care of it and she shouldn’t worry about it at all. Lynn was on the case!

Then came the moment of truth; I had to break it to both of them I wasn’t going. Miky’s face fell and I dared not look at Audra. I felt so bad, but more so – I felt anger at Portland and how little opportunity there is here.

This was the worse part of my day. Not all the phone calls, CV addendums and cover letter writing, but the look in their faces as I had to tell them.

They started gathering up their stuff and I pulled my 40Gig iPod (Smive) out of its cradle and snapped the iTrip into place. Once we were downstairs in the car, I showed them how to use Smive, I had to say my goodbyes.

Once they left, I ran upstairs and called the parking patrol and got them to clear the ticket (yay). Then I set about working the next job prospect from all angles and then did some much needed groceries and house supplies shopping. I was on the phone pretty much all day pounding the virtual cellular pavement.

Later that night I received a call from the Fenix and it was fireesin calling to say that everyone missed me! Len yelled hello in the background once Audra took over the phone. It was cool hearing from everyone. HI back at everyone! I did miss ya all. I’m sad I missed Derek’s set, he always spins good current stuff!

Audra knocked on my door at 6 this morning after Miky dropped her off. I’m glad everyone got home safe and sound, that’s some dedication to the scene to drive to-and-fro all in the same day and night, just to get back to work the next.

But, of my busy day – that was the worse, having to say goodbye to everyone. I’m not a huge Front 242 fan, but I am a fan of my friends.

DJ Carrion’s Opening Playlist for Front 242 in Seattle:

01. Netz – Zeit
02. Snog – Real Estate Man(Hecq remix)
03. Pail – The Rage of The Angels
04. Analogue Brain – Fly In An Amber
05. Soman – Divine(remix)
06. Reaper – JagD(I-Rec-C2 remix)
07. X-Fusion – Guilty Mass
08. Centhron – Front Angel
09. Unterart – Just You Wait(Feil/Stein)
10. Infekktion – Human Nature(X-Fusion remix)
11. Terrorfakt – Arsenal(E-Craft remix)
12. Genital-A-Tech – Suck Hysteria(Long & Dirty remix)

Unter Null 9:30-10:00pm

Dj Carrion:
13. Solitary Experiments – Fast Forward(Total Rewind)
14. Les Anges De La Nuit – Reborn
15. Lights of Euphoria – One Nation(Le=Rav Vs. Massiv In Mensch remix)
16. Combichrist – Like To Thank My Buddies
17. E-Craft – Gerichtet
18. Powder Pussy – Cryogenic Pussylover

While I was in Seattle doing some training with him, I was finally able to see and begin mastering how to do color correction, without the use of Adobe’s Auto Corrects, Levels or even a full color image. Instead, I now do my correction in black and white. I tweak each channel individually. This enables me to pull color data from one channel and mix/blend/add/extract into/out of another channel. Sometimes the yellow (Y) channel has better skin data than the Cyan (C) channel etc.

Here is an example.

This bored morning of mine I took the following picture of myself. (I look so sad!)

Please note how nasty the contrast and white balance is. I shoot in RAW, so pulling that into Photoshop CS2 and tweaking the WB is very easy.

From there I convert it from its native RGB 3-color embedment into a CMYK 4-color spread. I then contrast level all except for the Black (K) channel (contrasting the K level you loose massive amounts of data and clarity). This gives very punch and vibrant, but natural looking tones. This is an equivalent to the Telecine process that motion pictures undergo (this coupled with the 24p frame rate gives motion pictures that ‘edge’ over consumer cameras and short-films). Ending up looking like:

If you notice, the ridge of my nose and my lips are red. This is from the seasonal changes (lips) and my eye glasses (nose). So, in order to kill the redness and bring it more in line with my natural skin color I must dig into the red (M) channel now. The reason for this is, if I were to do a hue change in just those areas, we are pushing the color into a saturation of an unnatural tone. So, instead we will dampen the red, by simply removing it.

Using the Quickmask mode, I pull up a brush and feather it, then brush across my nose and lips, just in the areas that need some subduing. Then I pull up either the ‘curves’ or ‘levels’ (I tend to use curves when I’m doing professional work, and levels when its more personal and doesn’t need to be as precise for a magazine spread or a 22 foot long trade show booth image) and pull the dark space more towards a grey middle ground. This is telling Photoshop that the red shouldn’t be as saturated in that area.

After that I combine it all and do a simple sharpening of the image. Then so some simple ‘touch-up’ like removing blemishes and bug bites! (Canon’s CCDs tend to be very ‘smooth’ – even with the custom sharpening enabled. I like a good, detailed and ‘character filled’ face)

Final image (These images are all low resolution, I tend to work in MUCH higher R):

It is a bit cheating, but it’s a very accurate way of maintaining a full bodied color look, without compromising the original color data. (All the images I’ve taken for Kimber employed this process)

I must be bored.

I must say the interview was a hard push. The lady interviewing me was obviously very pressed for time with her leaving for Germany last week, and it showed. When I walked into the interview she only then began reading my resume and cover letter. It took me about 5 minutes to even get her to give me eye-contact and then it only came after I mentioned how good an idea I thought the mutual contract between Harlequin Romance Novels and Dark Horse’s Shojo Manga line was (She smiled, gave me full eye contact and said: “That was my idea.”) After that, eye-contact was far more common and I did make her smile often. I wish their job description would have been more complete, because the position was very heavy for trade show promotion, and while I have lots of experience with that field, my resume was tailored more for ‘marketing and coordination’, which their job description seemed to imply was what they sought. She mentioned that she used to work for Gerber knives and I threw out that Benchmade had made an offer for my employment before my promotion to Montana, but I don’t think that did much for me.

I do feel I botched a question that should have been an easy answer. I didn’t want to walk into the interview seeming a doting fan boy, so I tried hard to mention current DH distribution deals, but not over push my knowledge. When she asked me what my ideal job was, I unfortunately took a more ‘reserved approach’. I answered that what I had been doing over the past few years was exactly the kind of work I loved (Press Release writing, Trade Show organization, complete design accretion, web work etc.) but that I missed being a part of a creative team that both challenged and fostered my gained skills. I assumed she’d read me as saying: This job (Dark Horse) is my dream job. I guess she didn’t. I’ll remember next time that it is ok to let the fan boy loose a little bit.

I’ve got tons of resumes out currently looking for employment, so hopefully something else comes along, but Dark Horse has faded back into just a little boys dream. (I could possibly blame not getting the job on Jesus. You see, my parents came here a week back and prayed ON me to NOT get the job at [what they called] ‘Satan’s Horse’. I’m seriously NOT making that up. So, I can blame it on the interview being blasé, or God.)

Had an interview at Benchmade with the VP of Marketing (Joe) and his Human Resource Director (Karen) this morning. Seemed to go very well, and I’m pinning a few hopes with the possible position.

From the front desk sign in book, I saw two people before me with reasons of “Interview w/Joe” sign in and out times were appx. 15-20 mins each. I was in mine for nearly a full hour.

At one point I was asked to describe the process that went into a specific Ducks Unlimited flyer I designed and did photography for a few years ago. I elaborated, then after a pause, Joe looked to Karen and then they looked at me. I asked, “I hope I’m answering your questions, if not just tell me to be more specific.” Joe stated, “No, you are doing extraordinary; it’s nice for a change to actually ask a question and get a complete answer and not have to press the answer by asking 12 questions.” Karen then said, “It’s like we’re chatting, it’s very relaxing and yes, it’s a very nice change of pace.”

When I was leaving, I shook hands, said thanks and that I hoped I’d be hearing from them soon. Karen said under breath as the door opened, “You will.”

[UPDATE - Sat. 11/05/05]

Last night was the Front 242 concert in Seattle. I vowed that I wouldn’t go unless I had a job secured, which I was 98% sure I had. Since I never received the call back I was told I’d get by Friday if I had the job, it meant: Hello 2%, no Front 242 for me – and back to scraping for a job.

Benchmade Knives had brought me back for a second, third, fourth and fifth interview. Each one with a differing member of the management team. The second interview was with the original interview team of the Marketing Manager and the Human Resource Manager, where they went over my personality test. It was an odd personality test where I rated adjectives from 1-5. (Decisive 2, Callous 5, Tolerant 1, Shy 5, Autonomous 2, etc.) The results were: Type A, Director; Type B, Socializer; Type C, Thinker; Type D, Supporter. I figured even before the test that my results would classify me as a Socializer and a Thinker. I was wrong. I was primarily a Supporter (The HR Manager said, “I think you could empathize with anyone and can see every point of view, no matter who it is.”) and it was a tie between Director and Socializer for second, with thinker coming in last. This was a shock to me a little bit, over the past few years I’ve really pushed in bettering my personality by squashing my apathy – I didn’t realize how much this change has permeated my life. It makes me feel very good, but I still wish I was more of a Director than Socializer – maybe I’d get laid! (lol)

After this I had an interview with the Vice President of Operations who was in charge of the entire Benchmade operation excluding the accounting arm of the corporation. This puts him over the manufacturing, sales and marketing operations. It went great, on all counts. He was very aware of Kimber and knew all my previous bosses, so I didn’t need to get him up to speed to much regarding my professional experience. Of all the people I was interviewed he took the most detailed notes.

Then I had an interview with the Manager of OEM Manufacturing, Doug. The reason I actually mention his name is because of the manner in which everyone said it to me. They would explain to me all the interviews I’d be going through like this: “Well, first you will meet with Sally and Foster, from there Peiter, then DOOUUUUG and then George and finally Miguel” Everyone’s name was spoken professionally except for Doug. I assumed he was the fun guy of the group, and I hoped for a high rapport with him. He was a jovial guy, really happy and we did indeed hit it off. He wanted mostly to talk about my movie making and film school background, which was fun.

After Doug, I had an interview with the Manager of Benchmade Manufacturing, and finally the last interview before the huge factory tour was with the Chief Executive/Operating Officer. Of everyone I met, he was the most serine and intimidating. He was an older gentleman, but very passive and attentive. Of the eyes that watched me while I talked through all these interviews, his had the most weight. He really was paying attention more to ME, than the words coming out of my mouth. My fidgets, my energy; it felt like he was judging every intonation. The final question and the first to broach the subject was, “Well, Lynn what kind of salary expectation do we have here?” I was glad it was finally a subject, because it hadn’t been through this entire process. I explained, “Please understand that I am aware that this is a professional step down for me. I understand that the position won’t be paying as well as I was compensated for at Kimber. The most important thing to me is that I’m a member of a creative team that promotes a superior product I can be proud of, like I was with Kimber. That being said, I was compensated by Kimber in the sum of $XXk.” The minute I said the figure, I heard his sphincter cramp up and he cleared his throat. “Well, that’s a substantially higher figure than what we were expecting to pay.” This seemed odd to me. After all these interviews at the level of personnel I was being interviewed by – my figure really isn’t that high. I again reiterated that I fully understood this. I wish I’d have explained that I wanted to hear their figure before they cut me out of the run. Oh well. After that final interview I was taken on a big factory tour, it had been years since I’d seen CNC machines and that white coolant. It was refreshing and reminded me of Kimber in Clackamas and the struggles I went through during that time. Such a long way I’ve come.

I was told to expect a phone call on Friday if I got the position. Zero calls. I even called later on Friday to touch base with the HR woman, but my message was not returned.

At this time I began putting all my efforts into another position inside the industry. This time I’m taking no chances. I’m coming at it with multiple contacts at differing levels of seniority and influence inside the building, and external agency contacts that deal with the company. If I don’t get this one, I’ll be even more surprised.

While I’m making an example of just one of the positions I’ve been pressing for, through all this I’ve still been submitting 5-6 CVs a day to craiglist.org, careerbuilder.com, monster.com, jobdango.com (which is a crappy site BTW), trades and finally through direct job searches for companies I’d like to work at. After doing this for 3-4 months now, this had better come to an end soon. I can’t believe that no one is interested in an award winning marketing, creative and technical operations manager with ten years of experience. It’s utterly disheartening.

Portland does indeed suck for employment. Tax subsidized socialism can suck me silly.

09. Hunting is about hunting for some killer new club to hang out at.

08. Looking for a Rave doesn’t get you directions to the hair spray asile at Wal-Mart.

07. Suicidal girls doesn’t initiate Mental Health & Law Enforcement agencies being dispatched.

06. Gothic dress is hip during the day – it’s not just for night paint ball games.

05. Dying your hair gray is normal.

04. Most Montanan’s think MP3 is a fuel additive.

03. Trench coats left fashion status in Montana with the death of Lonesome Dove.

02. They don’t offer “Black Nail” manicures within 300 miles of Kila.

and the number one reason why Lynn is suited for big city living…..

01. There is no way Dwight would move to a metropolitan area. ]]> http://www.stonethorn.com/archive/rick-ohs-top-ten-reasons-why-lynn-is-suited-for-big-city-living/feed/ 0 http://www.stonethorn.com/archive/fiesta-lime-chicken-the-end-of-a-chapter/ http://www.stonethorn.com/archive/fiesta-lime-chicken-the-end-of-a-chapter/#comments Tue, 01 Mar 2005 00:41:30 +0000 Lynn Twiss http://www.stonethorn.com/archive/fiesta-lime-chicken-the-end-of-a-chapter Fiesta Lime Chicken and an iced tea. That’s what I was consuming when I told my boss of nearly ten years that I was leaving the company.

I feel a bit guilty, because he was so excited to go and eat lunch away from the building and have me pay. He really had no premonition of what was to transpire there at the Applebees in Kalispell. I had tactfully waited for our orders to be taken before I quickly threw the subject out onto the table; from the look on Dwight’s face, you’d think I had threw it straight at him. It didn’t take but a second for the sentence to sink in that I’d quit, but it took a bit longer for him to coherently begin discussing the matter.

Once we had returned to the office and he was confronted with his computer screen of work, it must have finally sunk home. He asked me into his office and directed me to close the door. His face and eyes were puffy and red, he brushed his eyes as he stated that he seriously, personally, wanted me to remain at the company.

I was kind, and stated there was no way I was staying. I have put so much of my life on hold for a company I helped build, but never saw any of the rewards for.

I am surrounded by examples of how much good this company has done for people. In the eight years I have been in Kalispell Montana, I have seen so much change and growth happen to the people around me even beyond Kimber. Ryan is now married and has a wonderful newborn baby boy named Lander. Sharon has moved to a new town, transformed her body and begun a business to call her own. Mark has completed school, is a fireman with his wife and has moved into a new home. Robyn is in her last year of college and is awaiting a new life as an actress. My comrades from Kalispell have carved a niche for themselves in Seattle, and are enjoying the life that city brings them. Me? I am still living alone making the same amount of money and am hiding in a town that has no entertainment for me. It’s time I put me ahead of everything else. It’s time I started living.

I have no regrets at this point, but I hope that I am rewarded someday.

Kimber Information

From: HILAKES@[edited].com

Sent: Saturday, November 02, 2002 9:06 PM

To: info@kimberamerica.com

Subject: Disgusted

You people are pathetic. I sent my Pro Tac back to you a couple of months ago to be repaired, thinking that the company that made the gun should be able to fix it properly. Boy was I wrong.

I sent it in because the grip screw plugs kept coming loose, it ejected brass into my face, and the plunger tube was loose. Well, guess what? The grip screw plugs still come loose, it still ejects brass into my face, and the plunger tube has come loose again. You people are fucked up.

Not only can’t you even repair one of you’re own guns properly, when I talked with Dennis on the phone he exemplifies why people around the country understand that people from New York are all a bunch of cock sucking assholes. He was rude and basically a smart ass. He told me that these were all man made problems. Well no shit! As I told him then that since God didn’t make the gun that was pretty obvious. What a dumb ass. I considered asking you to replace the gun with a new one, but I have the attitude now that I will NEVER…EVER own another Kimber firearm. As soon as I get these problems fixed by my competent gunsmith I’m selling it. Right now I feel like a great big sucker. I will never spend another dime with you people. I paid $825 for that piece of shit you call a gun. What a huge mistake on my part. I recently had a custom .45 made for a Caspian frame and slide and specifically told my gunsmith that no Kimber parts were to be used. Now I know what a real gun is supposed to be like and compared to the shit you put out of you factory, it’s like night and day.

If I worked in a factory that put out that kind of garbage, I’d be ashamed to tell anybody where I worked. I build houses for a living and if I built with the lack of quality that you do I’d be out of business. I’m surprised that you’re not. I see you’re ads in gun mags and I just laugh. You people suck and so do your firearms.

I shoot IPSC and IDPA and I can’t wait until I get really good so I can go out and kick someone’s ass shooting a Kimber. I’ll know I’ll have an advantage because they’re shooting a piece of shit and I’m not.

In conclusion, you all can kiss my ass. I hope you post this letter on you’re employee bulletin board so you all can read this. Also, I’m leaving my name address and phone number so if any of you get out to Oregon you can look me up so I can tell all of this to you to your face!…YOU FUCKED UP ASSHOLES!

I’ve owned a $60 Marlin .22 rifle for years that’s works better that your crap. Too bad the terrorists didn’t fly a plane into your factory!!!!!!!! EAT THAT MOTHER FUCKERS!

SINCERELY,

Douglas J Snyder
[edited]
Medford, Or. 9705
541 772 [edited]