What would be the most diabolical thing you would do (or if you are a real go-getter—have done), if you had the time and means to pull it off. I’m not talking straight-on evil, since anyone who reads this dumb blog is a wussy, anyway, but just some diabolical action.
As for me, your humble lazyman, I would do something subtle, but once the plan was in full force, people would see how egregious it is. What just popped into my head (because I’m a psycho and these things come naturally to me) is something that would take some time, and a lot of money, but would totally put me in the top ten of diabolical bastards. It doesn’t involve violence, or cat whiskers, but people would definitely feel it. Hmm… should I tell you? Are you ready to be completely shocked?
Nah, neither am I. So let’s just get to the point. While this would take a lot of patience, time and money, I would definitely let out my most diabolical laugh when people started pounding on my door for help. You see, what I would do is corner the light bulb manufacturing market. This is just a fantasy, so I know the logistics of cornering a whole market that is ubiquitous world-wide would be insane. So let’s just suspend a little disbelief and move on.
No, that wasn’t the diabolical part. That’s just phase one. Once I had the light bulb manufacturing market in my control, then phase two would go into effect. I would manufacture the light bulbs to have a serious, but unnoticeable, flaw in them. The filament would be manufactured to break at a certain carrier frequency that is not used in normal broadcast. Once I have the market cornered and everyone is buying my lights with the filaments, the diabolical localical would come to fruition.
On a certain day (it would be arbitrary, since I’m that kind of guy), I would broadcast that carrier frequency that would cause those faulty filaments to break, which of course causes lights-out around the globe. It would take some doing to pull that off, but sending out radio signals isn’t exactly rocket science… because it’s physics. Anyway, darkness would engulf countless buildings. People would be rushing to replace their light bulbs, only to find that the stores only carry faulty light bulbs. Nothing sucks worse than having a light bulb going out and not having a replacement at home. Every room you go in would be no light when you flip the switch. Refrigerators would go dark, as well, causing many stubbed toes and curses due to difficult-to-find pickle jars. That sucks, of course, but let’s not forget that any replacement will not work, either.
Soon, people are clamoring for matches and candles, or oil lamps. There would be madness on the streets as no street lights and traffic lights work. Windowless bathroom breaks will be a nightmare of memory and attempted accuracy. Frowns will flood the Earth!
And then people will suddenly find out I happen to control the match manufacturing, as well…
Purely diabolical.
What about alternative light bulbs of the gaseous lament, like fluorescent lighting, you ask? Who cares—living under that harsh light is punishment enough!
[I know this is the stupidest idea EVER. I’m just so bored…]
